The essence of the holidays is the celebration of loving relationships, especially within the family. It is the time for children with their joy and enthusiasm and their sense of wonder. What fun it is to be with them as they open their presents with such gusto! It is not the gifts so much as the gathering that remains in our memories with the happiness it engenders.
There is an added dimension for the Christian, and that is the belief that God came to live with us – as a child. The image of Mary and Jesus has deep emotional meaning beyond any theological interpretation. Moreover, it is the same bond of family that saturates the eight days of Chanukah, or, for that matter, any family gathering where love is shared. For at least in my understanding, our ability to love is a gift from God.
I have had the privilege of getting to know many families as I have traveled the byways of Spain, and over the years I have written down some impressions of the heart of these unique group of people we call Spaniards. I would like to share with you a little of what I have written about them, for in my heart I believe their way of life is a model as to how we all can live during the holidays and then beyond, as we seek to fan the flame of family love in our hearts:
What is at the heart of Spain? It is being together as a family, and the special way in which they cherish their children. This begins with the experience of young childhood where the little boy or girl is showered with love within the family, and treasured by the neighborhood. There is no fear of 'spoiling' the child.
The heart of Spain is fostered by daily encounters of affection expressed within the family and neighborhood. From a childhood immersed in seemingly unconditional love, comes an eagerness to engage in personal interchange, and a willingness to maintain these personal relationships through frequent contact. When one begins life with this kind of affirmation, it becomes second nature to engage friend and stranger alike with a kind of personal intimacy.
The companionship of their family soon extends to all those whom they touch. Spaniards refer to people by their given name; in greeting they embrace even the stranger; they acknowledge fellow diners; they sit shoulder to shoulder in the bullring. It is an intimacy that comes from treating one another as sacred, as people of worth.
Needless to say, mine is an idealized image; we are all flawed human beings affected by the vicissitudes of life. That being said, it is this foundation of caring through the communal experience that endows Spaniards with a certain dignity and grace, and a willingness to engage the world with hospitality. Theirs is not a closed society where the value of privacy is elevated; it has always been a way of life that is warm and welcoming.
Uncles and aunts, cousins and grandparents are next-door neighbors. They see each other several times a week while shopping at the local market or at their favorite tapas bar. Members of the family often operate local shops, work together in the fields, or man the fishing boats. These kinds of relationships stand the test of time, and mature throughout the years of one’s life. Even today, this is the customary way of life throughout much of Spain.
There is nothing that can assure our spiritual well being more than a loving, caring human presence. We can never replace the experience of hospitality conveyed face to face – and why should we? It is this duende – a difficult to define Spanish phrase that connotes emotion and authenticity – that is the heart of Spain. It is also her gift to the world.
I think many of you would enjoy getting to know some of my friends I write about – Lola, Fermín, Carmen, Miguel and Jorge. They are churning cheese, harvesting saffron, blending sherry, aging hams, making homemade soups. You can meet them in the pages of my book, The Heart of Spain: Families and Food. It is not a commercial venture so much as a way to spread the word about such a warm and caring culture.
¡Que viva la familia Española!
Feliz Navidad,
Don
6 Comments
I love to read your comments about Spain. I totally understand when you talk about their love for family and friends. Being Mexican myself, I have seen how the Spanish values and traditions have passed to our families, and it’s something we are very proud about.
Response:
Dear Alba,
Mexico is a wonderful country which I visited many times. You are right, that same loving spirit which was fostered y the Spanish culture so many years ago is embedded in the soul of México and her people.
Abrazos
Don
Once again Don has touched the heart and soul of a family Xmas. Merry Xmas to all the La Tienda family.
Response:
Dear Jim,
Thank you for your kind words. May you and your family have a warm and blessed New Year.
Abrazos,
Don
I have lived in Spain most of my life and I always try to explain to others how the cohesion of Spanish families helps them through the trials of life, gives them a loving base, and gives them joy. They seem truly happy together as they meet for the Sunday lunch, children and grandparents, and no one is left out, no one is boring, no one is gloomy, no one is too old or too young, they truly love being together naturally. They radiate joy. It´s so contagious!
Response:
As you say, the opportunity to gather together as a family on a regular basis builds a strong foundation of love.
Back in my childhood in New England,there remained a tradition of Sunday dinner with our grandparents and the extended family, which reinforced family bonds. The industrial revolution and, of course WWII, changed things.
I think that with 21st-century technology, there is a new way to keep family ties alive through the Internet and Skype. It may not be the same but it is an opportunity to celebrate family ties. We have a son in Islamabad, Pakistan, yet we are able to talk with him almost every week.
Thank you for your message, and may you have a warm and happy New Year! Saludos, Don
I have always enjoyed reading your writeups. Many of the places you have written about have been most interesting to me and my spouse. My travel to Spain has been all of one afternoon almost half a century ago in Rota. My spouse, who is of Spanish descent, has spent about a week in Madrid, also almost half a century ago. One of these days, soon I hope,we hope to get to the town of Reus, where some of Rius family originate, we believe. Not sure about the Farina side of the house. We do know the Ferreira side is Portuguese. Mayhap when we visit in Fredericksburg we might get a chance to visit you enerprize. Meantime, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Response:
Dear Patrick,
Thanks for your note. I am pleased that you have been reading my write-ups over the years. (I have compiled many them in a book name Heart of Spain
You were only in Rota for a few hours ? Were you aboard a ship or a military airplane?
I strongly urge you to return, even if it is just for a few days — but of course you know lots about Spain because you married into the culture. Where was your wife born, near Reus?. Does she have contact with her brothers and sisters there?
I think you all with enjoy a trip back to Spain, 50 years is a long time to be away. Nowadays, the roads are super throughout Spain, the food is always great and it’s fun to renew old ties – as faint as they might be.
I hope you consider a trip to Williamsburg, where our retail store is located. It is in an old building which used to be a potters studio — only 2 miles from Colonial Williamsburg on Jamestown Road. I would enjoy meeting you.
Happy New Year to you and all whom you love.
Su Amigo
Don
Thanksgiving for the kind comments.. Most Spaniards (who are diverse in terms of language, local/ regional culture, etc.) have never set foot in a bullring (nor do we intend to!!!) or ‘duende’ … A uniquely andalusian term. Please, try not to stereotype us that much, even if it’s well intended. I don’t assume all Americans wear cowboy boots and go to rodeos… Both Spain and the US are much, much richer (culturally, ideologically, etc,) and nuanced. And a significant portion of Spaniards are agnostic, by the way.
Response:
Dear Rosa,
Thank you for your note. I understand your impatience when people think that your country is nothing but flamenco dancers. It’s like people from Spain who tell me that they have visited America when all they saw was Manhattan.
You need to understand of course that Andalucia is quite an exotic place for Americans or Northern Europeans because of its 700 year exposure to the Muslim culture, which came from North Africa. It is a fascinating and beautiful place. On the other hand, so are the shores of Galicia, the rugged Picos de Europa, the Camino de Santiago, and one of my favorites: the little villages with their ancient Romanesque churches in the Pyrenees.
It is hard to make any generalities about a country with a 17 autonomous regions, and many dialects and languages. All that being said, there are some characteristics which I find in common among the subcultures of Spain – especially their commitment to children and family. And even though the country is populated by many agnostics now, the bedrock of the culture is Christian and from this foundation a very strong family oriented culture arose.
Su amigo, Don